You are one of the top Jobless Deadbeats in the city. Solicitations for your detainment are numerous in quantity. Your lawyer, adequate. It is another bustling summer afternoon. You are feeling unusually full of purpose tonight. What will you do?
Author thegreenspark
Status Active

Deadbeat is a forum adventure by thegreenspark. It follows a Jobless Deadbeat in his quest to get a Citruserve Soul.


JD has a simple inventory system, its size dictated by the number of pockets on his clothes. The addition of pockets increases his capacity to hold things. There are two types of "battles": Schmoozes (social conflicts) and Fisticuffs (more traditional battles). Each is turn-based and involves reducing the opponents Social Lives (in Schmoozes) or HP (Fisticuffs) to 0. Adding party members causes their finances to be added to the group's. When battling, there is no penalty for winning the fight with one party member down except for losing all your potential loot.


Part IEdit

The adventure starts with the Deadbeat at a fountain area, complete with benches and a melon stand. The Deadbeat decides to creep up behind the couple on the bench and make a fart sound, subsenquently breaking up Argyle Guy and his now-ex-girlfriend.

The Deadbeat then picks up a magazine on the ground which brightly advertises a Citruserve Soul, yet another model of Cutruserve's life-enhancing inventory pods. The coupon that was on the magazine has been clipped out, much to the Deadbeat's annoyance so he hatches a plot to steal a Citruserve Soul as he couldnt afford one anyway.

He's really going to do it. It's been years since he's done anything and he decides it's time for a change.

JD meets Younger Melon Guy at the melon stand and they engage in a Schmooze. (Verbal battle that doesn't attract police attention.) Upon winning the Schmooze, JD heads to Market Street, recruiting Black Hoodie Creature to the team roster. They then try the Item Kiosks and head to the Oddity Shop.

In the shop, Deadbeat and Dwayne (the hoodie creature) meet an extremely eccentric, green-panted individual, who sells them "Dark Magic For Kids" and sews a key items pocket to JD's trousers.

The pair then try to sample the wares of Older Melon Guy's stall, but are accosted by a carnivorous plant, which they then have to fight. JD and Dwayne beat the Shreed Plant in Fisticuffs to find it belonged to the Older Melon Guy who apologises by equipping JD with a Seed Pouch but isn't good for much else.

Next, they check out the Notice Board which is covered in crap including a pile of hateful post-it notes which cover a button and green gem (Green Spark) in a glass case. The gem can't be removed so JD presses the button, entering the Negative Zone! The colours of the world become inverted and also ghosts appear to be following JD and giving him orders. As JD is flipping out, one ghost persuades Dwayne to unscrew the panel holding the Green Spark onto the board which causes the Spark to fall to the ground and shatter, reverting everything back to normal.

In place of the button panel appears a red mailbox and upon ringing the bell on the noticeboard a second time, a screen opens up that seems to be a post/e-mail service. JD checks and sends some mail and messes with his inventory before Dwayne leads him off to the Citruserve Building that is off-limits at the moment. Dwayne then leads JD back to a previous alley where the hoodie leaps through a seemingly solid wall. JD jumps through recklessly after him.

Part II - "The Hoodie Sanctum"Edit

JD finds himself in a passageway with a very low ceiling and goes through the simple process of hitting his head, failing to go Dennis and pressing the down button to crawl forward. At the end of the tunnel, Dwayne is waiting and promises that they will find an ID card to get into the Citruserve Building before introducing the Hoodie Sanctum in a semi-dramatic way.

In the entrance of the fancy Sanctum, there are statues, lights on the wall, fountains and a green hat. Upon finding the hat doesn't talk, JD steals it and names it Marco. After some looking around, JD follows Dwayne through a door into a very anti-climactic and shabby room with a lift and not much else. There is some more messing around in this room before the bright red button of the lift is too tempting and the pair enter the lift. The lift scans and indentifies Dwayne by his name (which is odd since JD named him not long ago.) and launches into a long-winded introduction of the Hoodie Sanctum.

The lift stops in the lift lobby, which is still kind of shabby but the effort is there with a Rusty Brown Item Kiosk, comfy seats, lobby magazines and two hoodies.


Main CharactersEdit

  • Jobless Deadbeat - The protagonist. He is feeling unusually full of purpose so he decides to steal the Citruserve. He has a bit of a short attention span and ideas pooping into his head always drive him to check out trivial things rather than proceeding quickly. He is also a Harry Potter enthusiast. His Schmooze techniques include SchmoozeTech: POLITE INTERROGA-TASER! and has 4 Social Lives. He can store up to 5 types of items in his pockets and kettle pot and has a blue pocket that he can't use at the moment. He later obtains the Seed Pounch to hold different types of seeds and the Key Items pocket to take as many items as he likes as long as they are key to the story.

The dashing Dwayne Poncho

  • Dwayne "Dwancho" Poncho - Previously known as Black Hoodie Creature. A small, black armless creature that hangs out at Market Street. He has a fixation with the code "3,2,2,1,3" and joined JD's team at Market Street. His Schmooze stats are low but he is armed with a screwdriver and once per Schmooze he can protect JD from an attack and negate all the damage. He is kind of pedantic and impatient with JD's time wasting but doesn't say anything about it. Of course.

Minor CharactersEdit

  • Argyle Guy - One of the first characters who is sat on a bench at the fountain with his girlfriend until JD frames AG for farting and breaks them up. He is listed on JD's mail contacts as a Suspicious Neighbour, hinting that he might reappear in the story.
  • Chester Glut - A portly green hoodie that wears glasses and has the profession of a therapist. He is virtually unbeatable in Schmoozes due to the effects of the Heart Pop and Chatter Tea he was drinking at his introduction. He shows an odd politeness during the Schmooze and after calling it off, helpfully explains the drink's effects to JD.
  • Hoodie King - A mysterious, character that rules over the hoodies of the Hoodie Sanctum. He has the right to govern, socialize, and basically do whatever he wants really. Although a poster on ranks says the king is awesome, when asked for his opinion Dwayne acts very suspicious and nervous when 'saying' that he likes the king and there are alot of evil looks from other hoodies in the room as well as the wall and carpet.
  • Sid Whim - The owner of the Oddity Shop who is quite an oddity himself, he sports alot of eccentric gear like a Pikachu tail, candy corn mitten and GREEN PANTS! He has a tendancy to speak in third person and, when he is angry or upset, speaks in haiku. (Sometimes filling out lines which poetic imagery.) He seems to be able to change the atmosphere of his shop by equipping different pairs of pants: when he wears his Zen pants, making everyone just chill out.
  • SkyBlue Item Kiosk - An enthusiastic and annoying machine that can be used to buy stuff, sell stuff and stuff stuff redeem stuff. Not even a few punches to the face can quench it's happiness but it can simulate bleeding and bruises to make you feel better. It sells Fog Boxes, Vita-Mints, Melons and maybe Pumpkins. It won't sell certain items to JD but doesn't know why.


  • Reader Ghosts - Upon entering the Negative Zone, ghosts appear behind JD. They at first look like floating orbs with expressions but once JD looks at them, they take on the form of the reader's avatars, turning the readers into characters of the adventure and giving JD more direct orders than just voices in his head.
  • Rusty Brown Item Kiosk - A neglected looking item kiosk in the Hoodie Sanctum that had the persona of a kindly old man. Being an old machine, he was a bit of a rambler and had a habit of losing his train of thought. He listens with a lot of patience and understanding as JD goes on an ethical rant and advises JD to follow his gut. He had the sell, buy and redeem icons as well as a new gleaning service for seeds. Unfortunately, in the process of gleaning an apple core, the kiosk encountered a fatal error and broke down in a heart-wrenching scene while still wishing JD a nice day.

Cameos and CrossoversEdit

Tropes UsedEdit