|Our story begins in a small hamlet known as FLAGTOWN, ARIZONA. You are HEADBUCKET.|
Currently, many characters in Headbucket have been hinted at but not shown.
- Headbucket - Unintelligent but highly adept with guitars and ukuleles, Headbucket founded Tres Hombres and is the protagonist of the story. He claims to have been raised by cacti, but his Malibu accent suggests that he has not lived in Arizona for his whole life. He currently lives in Flagstaff.
- Ma Hunkel - A defunct DC Superhero with superhuman strength. She has a high encumbrance level, making her the workhorse of the team.
- The Unknown Comic - A washed up comedian with very high charisma, the Unknown Comic was poisoned by Navajo Skinwalker dust which drove him insane, but once cured, was blessed with superhuman speed and agility.
- Takashi Kutaro - Takashi is a Japanese man with a very limited grasp on English. For some reason, he was transferred to Clark Biggles' Denny's Secret Lab in Pukeson, Arizona against his will by Zenith Instrumental. He is a very good bass-guitar player and has the ability to adopt statistical bonuses and deficits by crossplaying as female anime characters.
- Winston - A veteran of the Viet Nam War, Winston is a fiercely patriotic American with a cyborg body. He carries an M-60 machine gun and has in-built wireless, and used to work for Clark Biggles before his assassination.
Deep Blues Gang
- Elvis Gloom - The band leader of the Deep Blues Gang. Little is known about Elvis Gloom, except that he is black, and a master chess-player. He does not play the guitar but possesses the greatest guitar ever made, the Cigar Black Box. Elvis Gloom was responsible for the assassination of Clark Biggles, having sic'd his hitman Art Galahad and a Navajo Skinwalker on him.
- Victor Hedwig - Victor has been revealed to have an interest in gender bending, and is reportedly quite good at the saxaphone.
- Jake Bauer - Currently, all that is known about Bauer is that he is a nose-picking programmer introvert who is mocked and disliked by the rest of the gang.
- Bobby Castello - Sicilian-born Castello is a giant of a man who has been called the 'Strongest Nerd Alive'. He possesses superhuman strength and has a fondness for outdated scientific programming languages such as Fortran and Cobol. His hobbies include RC cars, chess problems and drumming, and he is patently obsessed with the film Electric Dreams.
- Art Galahad - A methodical and stoic hitman who appears to demonstrate the ability to teleport. He is monstrously ugly. The fact that he was able to subjue and command a Navajo Skinwalker suggests that he may be a very powerful individual and deadly fighter.
- Jean-Baptiste - A hustling gentile with a shark-like face. He speaks with outdated beatnik-vernacular.
- JiveBomber - Intelligent, understanding and serious, JiveBomber is a born leader. He is the administrator of Eurocrash and proudly German. At thirteen years of age, he is able to attract thousands of fans to his solo techno acts, and nearly double that when playing with the rest of the Tone Masons. He is extremely proud of his game-cracking enterprise, believing it to be the true source of his wealth.
- pawn*Star - An American and a universally hated pest. He has demonstrated himself to have amazing hacking abilities but a vile and irritating personality. May be a member of the Deep Blues Gang.
- ShapeChef - A bombastic Swede whose opinions and arguments are always made readily public. ShapeChef is a moderator of Eurocrash.
- RiffWrath - A rather laconic Polish member. Has expressed interest in watching unfolding drama but not provoking trolls.
- ChromegaRed - The site's best pixel-artist and also a very strongly opinionated Russian. He is a proud member of the Soviet Union. Zenith Instrumental's purchase of the Soviet Union sent ChromegaRed into a bout of rage.
- FinnishLine - A Finnish member with a penchant for beginning their sentences for four-letter abbreviations. Is not particularly fond of Russians.
- DemoGaud - A British hacker and confirmed member of the Tone Masons. He is fourteen years of age and refuses to create an account on Eurocrash.
- Clark Biggles - Currently deceased scientist who was working on the Ground-Breakazoo, a new frontier in the field of Kazoo-based instrument research.
- William Stone - Virtually nothing is known about the elusive William Stone other than that he is the CEO of Zenith Instrumental and expressed disbelief that Clark Biggles was ever in any real danger of assassination at the hands of jazz hoodlums.
- tyrannosaurusHexidecimator - A female gaming prodigy who appears to be a troll in the style of Andrew Hussie's race of Homestuck trolls. She has appeared in both meta entries and entries directly relating to the storyline of Headbucket.
- Aborted Slunk - The author of the adventure, otherwise known as Proffate. Tends to appear in self-referential meta updates when he is unable to update properly.
- hatchlingDeformity - Aborted Slunk's apparent troll-double. Of the same species as tyrannosaurusHexidecimator. Has a bad habit of accidentally posting self-incriminating evidence in conversations.
- Rex and Sparky - A pair of genetically engineered cyborg dogs created and owned by Zenith Instrumental, and located at the Denny's Secret Lab. They can regenerate health, and Rex has a "pug-cannon" built into his mouth that allows him to fire bursts of bullets at enemies. Takashi appears to have a friendly relationship with them.
- Andrew Hussie - Has appeared in one meta update speaking to Aborted Slunk over Pesterchum.
Enemies and Monsters
- Navajo Skinwalker - Extremely dangerous renegade Navajo who has murdered Clark Biggles, poisoned (and subsequently enhanced) the Unknown Comic, and beaten the crap out of all of Tres Hombres. He is currently on the loose in Pukeson. His relationship to Art Galahad is unknown.
- Sentry - A strand of cheaply made Defense Droids manufactured by Zenith Instrumental. Despite their gruesome appearance and fearsome weapons, they are not particularly threatening as they are exceedingly slow and dumb. They do not run on computers, but wiped human brains.
- The Sentinel - An extremely deadly Assault Droid created by Zenith Instrumental. It contains three wiped human brains, reputedly belonging to former NASA scientists, and a terrifying arsenal of lethal weapons. It is unable to speak pure English, instead resorting either to "Zenith Sentry" language, or when conversing with humans,. splicing its speech from various existing sources.
- You Are Now This Guy has been used excessively. It is often implied that by switching to another timeline in Headbucket, time continues to elapse in the timeline just abandoned, often to the detriment of the viewer. The narrator even goes so far as to berate the readers for not paying attention.
- Hello, Insert Name Here was used to determine the name of the band, Tres Hombres. The author included several bogus options that were not selected in the post where the band-name was determined.
- Hey, Guys features prominently in non-canon updates as Aborted Slunk frequently submits posts featuring himself justifying the adventure taking so long to update.
- Ride Adventure Like A Mechanical Bull - several gags have been taken from or reference Problem Sleuth and Homestuck.