|You are a Sassy Teen.|
The story begins in Sassy Teen's bedroom, shortly after he determines that suicide is his only option. While reminiscing about his ex-girlfriend, his Angst Meter rises, which leads him to jump out of his window. Unfortunately, he becomes Sassy Ghost, kept out of the afterlife by his high angst attribute and unfinished business. After engaging in some high fivin' action with the Tall Stranger, he is transported to a strange room with no obvious doors or windows. He levels up and receives a snazzy badge.
- Sassy Teen
Briefly known as Sassy Ghost until employed by the Tall Stranger as Death's Doorman. Due to his high angst attribute (partially caused by his inability to get over his ex-girlfriend), he jumps out his window in the prelude to the adventure.
- Tall Stranger
Bearing a strong resemblance to the Grim Reaper, the Tall Stranger attempts to harvest SassyTeen's soul, but finds that he is bound to earth by some sort of unfinished business.
- Beard Man
Initially thought to be a heavy corpse, Beard Man is chained outside the strange room. SassyTeen obliges his request for Soul Juice due to Beard Man's high beard attribute.