|You are a DEFENSE ATTORNEY. You wake up in a COURT-ROOM. Your breath smells like CHEAP BOOZE. Your head hurts. You think the judge is saying your name. Wait, what was your NAME?|
This adventure follows the trials and tribulations of Rex O'Hurlahan, Attorney at Law.
Taxidermist Jimmy Finnie was murdered and his taxidermied body dragged from his store at the Frankstown Mall. Susie Backle was discovered by Detective Flapjack in the nearby Build-A-Bear store. Rex is representing Susie at her trial and after finding major flaws in the prosecution's case against Susie is currently investigating the mall for any clues as to who Jimmy's killer is.
- Rex O'Hurlahan
Rex is a defense attorney. He recently graduated from Snapple University and is currently trying his first case. Due to his extensive endeavours to sample alcohols of all varities during his college years Rex has developed an impressive Tipple Acumen. This allows him to discern any and all alcoholic substances someone might be partial to, or have recently imbibed.
- Fridge Largemeat
Fridge is a prosecution attorney and lumberjack. He was raised by grizzly bears in the harsh Canadian wilderness. The only cases Fridge has won are those where he has bludgeoned the defense attorney unconcious with his vast supply of lumber.
- Susie 'The Bubble' Backle
Susie is Rex's client, and is accused of murdering taxidermist Jimmy Finnie. She works at the Build-A-Bear at the Frankstown Mall, despite being an alarmingly inept bear builder. Her face was constantly at least partially obscured by a large bubble of Original Flavour Bubbleyum bubblegum, until they took it away it the jail.
- Xeno Cognitos
Xeno Cognitos is a cyborgnetic judge. He was once a normal human judge but most of his body had to be replaced after a tragic car accident. He has a reputation for biasing his judgements on how much he enjoys his coffee.
- Detective Flapjack
Detective Flapjack is a hardboiled detective who typically narrates his experiences in a gritty third person monologue. Detective Flapjack hates people poking their nose into cases he's been investigating.
One of the security guards from the Frankstown Mall. Steve has a habit of flicking cigarette ash into the eyes of people who get on his nerves.
The other security guard from the Frankstown Mall. Clint is a war veteran and has been married at least 5 times.
- Frank Toshikazu
General manager of the Frankstown mall. Has two eyebrows that forever move up and down. Disliked Jimmy because of his tendency to get in his payments late and also seems to dislike taxidermy in general.
- Jimmy Finnie
Jimmy was a taxidermist and owner of Jimmy's Tax Returns at the Frankstown Mall. He was found dead and taxidermied, otherwise very little is known about him.
- Mr Flufferton
Mr Flufferton was Rex's beloved goldfish, until Rex's irate parents shot him with a 12 gauge shotgun as an incentive for Rex to win his first case.
- Hershey and Amber Linden
Also known as The Blonde Twins, Hershey and Amber are the daughters of wealthy business tycoon Harold Linden. They take much pleasure in squandering his hard earned cash. They are in the public eye, and love the attention they get from the Paparazzi. Rex's relationship with the twins allows him solicit potential clients.