Samson - The protagonist of the first adventure, Samson enjoys violence and conjuring beards out of thin air. So far, it is unclear if Samson is a nazirite, though he keeps his hair short. He uses the beard baby as a projectile weapon as well as beard armor.
Beard Baby - Accompanies Samson from the very first scene and serves as beard armor. Due to the high level of testosterone in the air, the baby soon grows his own beard. Later, Samson equips him with baby-sized weapons on his hands, feet, and head: a whip, sword, scimitar, club, and mace.
Agesilaus - Leader of an army of Spartan hoplites and one of Samson's best buddies, like, ever. He looks forward to kicking some Argolian ass.