|DOES MY TORMENT SERVE AS SOME TWISTED FORM OF RECREATION TO YOU? DO YOU DERIVE PLEASURE FROM REPEATEDLY FOILING ANY AND ALL ATTEMPTS I MAKE TO BRING EVEN THE MOST NEGLIGIBLE DEGREE OF SANITY OR RELEVANCE TO THIS WORLD?|
|Author||Kanye West Mail-in Fan Club|
Trol Seasson is the spiritual successor to Datastuck and the Datastuck RP. Trol Seasson is really good. Created and co-written by Loather and friends, Trol Seasson is one of the longest running and good Homestuck derivatives. Unlike most derivatives, Trol Seasson is really good. It mainly follows the adventures of 12 "trols," a troll-like species native to "Trolternia." Many of them are really good. It (being Trol Seasson) has its own wiki here (an excellent wiki).
Trol Seasson's plot is deep, complex, multithreaded, and to the untrained eye may seem incoherent, but I assure you it is really good. Due to the character driven nature of the story, it wouldn't really make sense to try to summarise everything here anyway, however all the major character arcs are detailed below. The largest, and by far the most good thus far, concerns Tiny Tinkle's attempt to tidy, organize, or somehow wrest control of the apricots. It is as of yet unknown if there is a connection between Tinkle's arc and the various Boners related arcs.
- apocketlintAraisin/Tiny Tinkle Le Von Jehovette Boners - First Appearance
A hoarder in the care of Trol Turle Jesus. She is romantically involved with Vashta Nerada, and homicidally involved with Desmond Leroy. Has a knack for arranging apricots, which are her most favorate confections. She is part of a mystery-solving team along with Baxx, Clemens, and Desmond. She is the best trol.
- arsonistCannonfodder/Fran Sloan - First Appearance
Criminal psychopath and master of all things flammable, Fran Sloan was a legend in the Trolternian military, having survived more suicide missions than every other expendable class soldier put together. Sadly killed by a speeding motorist while off duty, Fran has since burned down and usurped rulership of hell. Her death was directly responsible for the vast bleat. Lord Macedonean has been carrying her corpse around, for some reason. A pretty nice trol I think.
- archangelsGrope/Driska Tekres - First Appearance
An enigmatic figure with a borderline fetishistic interest in angelic figures. Everyone loves her, and she loves everyone who is as cool as she is (almost no one). Since she spends most of the story locked in a fake room, and may be a self insert for The Author. She has so far rebuffed all attempts at romance by Steven Soupgal. A lot of this entry isn't true anymore. A decent trol.
- apricotTreader/Desmond Leroy - First Appearance
An expert apricot stomper and official BEST TRLOL, Desmond Leroy died early in the story and went to hell, where she came to terms with her identity as a woman befriended Satan and encountered the mysterious Impossible Wanderer, Steven Moffat, eventually becoming his travelling companion. The duo escaped the afterlife and proceeded to adventure across space and time, eventually reaching the BAD FURTURE [sic], which they are currently working to avert. Over the course of this journey, she forgot all about coming to terms with her identity as a woman, and just sort of lapsed into a gender-neutral state, using male pronouns most of the time out of habit, but making use of female ones occasionally. This plasticity was later revealed to be a side effect of using the Truest Fit Anaconda Aegis, a smelly pair of overalls that grant unlimited psimorphic abilities, and that Desmond had been wearing the entire time. The best TRLOL, but not quite the best trol.
- calculusAquifer/Baxx "Dapper" Swaim III - 
A nerd who lives at the bottom of a swimming pool in Trol Japan, raised as a boy adventurer by his grandad. Notably the first trol to be victimised by Fuck You Trol, and one of the only to survive such an encounter. During Trol Seasson, his adventures took him to a Myan [sic] ruin underneath the Boneco building, where he unwittingly ingested all the halucinogenic dog biscuits on the planet. This induced a transcendent state during which he was contacted by an extrauniversal being on immense power and imprinted with a psychic warning. He has since been taken into the care of J.D. S. Clemens, who places a high value on the contents of the vision. The nerdiest trol.
Precious little is known about the trol called coelacanthCruller, though she appears to be one of the few trols Anger Crabman regards in a positive light, and may be the only trol of an appreciably similar age. While she's yet to actually appear in an update, she seems to be the Prospitian component to Anger Crabman in their two player SBRUB session. With the recent reveal of TA, it is believed that she is the silhouette to the left of Anger in this update. Recently glimpsed in the Land of Frogs and Frogs by the Glockhen Berniesprite, though she hasn't entered the game yet. An ancient trol of mystery.
- calypsoGeriatric/Anger Crabman - First Appearance
An ancient, immortal trol currently residing in Trol Miami Beach. Anger's immense age gives him a unique outlook on the world, which may be the only thing older than he is. He has seen empires rise and fall, beheld the growing pains of the very living earth, and even born witness to the subtle movements of the stars themselves. Despite immortality and a surprising knack for violence, Crabman prefers a more passive approach to combat, as he tells one foe, "you will inevitably die in what I will perceive as but a few short moments." His game of SBRUB with coelacanthCruller, ostensibly an important part of the story, has faced many setbacks. The oldest trol.
- centurionsTest/Stevan Soupgal - First Appearance
A centaur trol with a howitzer mounted on his back, Stevan is believed to be either the head or the pope of the Trolternian navy, if his six word title is any indication. He captained the Super Fucking Bullshit Robot until it was destroyed by Fuck You Trol, and has laid low ever since, surfacing only to romance Driska and participate in the zombie fight. He was, prior to her death, the moirail of Fran Sloan, and has been shown to mourn her death. The strongest trol.
- grinAxehammer/Vashta Nerada - First Appearance
Vashta is a heavy metal lesbian trol in the band Killcrusher 8000, whose music physically kills people. It is speculated that she may be a lighthearted jab at Terrastuck, but if this is the case, none of the creators have acknowledged it, so it's likely just a coincidence. Effectively meaningless. This entry hasn't needed to be updated in like FOREVER. The most metal trol, maybe.
- gallousCarburetor/Nicol Bay - First Appearance
Nicol "Crimson" Bay is a
talented illegal street racer who also happens to be blind. She is a regular escapee from Hell and has been racking up a steady number of people chasing her (along with a steady body count) since first appearing at the start of the Trol Seasson Intermission. After accidentally kidnapping Patrick Stewart of the Salyer through the Rat Dimension and back, she rendevouzed with Lord Macedonean and is currently giving him a lift on an errand of unknown properties. The fastest trol.
- twainArmadillos/Dr. J.D. S. Clemens - First Appearance
A mysterious, recently revealed trol, Clemens rescued Baxx from the Boneco Elevator and deputised him into the "team that's gonna save the world." Expert conspiracy theorist and mastermind of a mystery-solving team, he probably knows more about what's going on than anyone else. If only all of that knowlege wasn't hidden from us by every mind-altering substance known to Trol, and a totally justified sense of paranoia. Currently trapped in a dungeon, after having a powerful vision delivered unto him by Mya, and in need of rescuing. The most journalistically questionable trol.
- terminateCapslock/Bernie Depp - First Appearance
A cyberbullying awareness advocate working for Cyberawesome LTD, Bernie helps trols like Baxx deal with online bullying. However, this puts him close to danger himself, and he has run afoul of Fuck You Trol. Possibly a serial killer and cannibal, though you wouldn't know it from his sunny and supportive disposition. One of the few people who can talk to Crabman without worrying about their saftey. He was pressured into watching My Little Pony and became a brony so hard that it killed him, and his corpse was dumped into Crabman's kernelsprite, along with a chicken, Crocmom, and a glock, offscreen. He has taken it upon himself to safeguard the SBRUB session while Crabman is en route via the SFBR2, and has successfully coerced all of the rats responsible for destroying Crabman's house into rebuilding it. The most dangerous trol.
- Fuck You Trol - First Appearance
Fuck You Troll is possibly the most powerful and malevolent mortal being in the entire universe. He moved from small-time bullying to murder to direct acts of war against the entire Trolternian empire in a matter of minutes, with no reasonable provocation whatsoever. The only fight he's ever lost was with the immortal Anger Crabman, which was more of a draw, to be honest, because it got kind of crazy at the end and Crabman cheated by erupting from one of the authors' heads. In Baxx's biscuit vision, he appeared in Chitti's eyes and caused zoomandenhance.co.gif to malfunction. Secretly forum user Mibbs. The second most dangerous trol.
- tERRY - First Appearance
Originally believed to be simply Stevan's subordinate, tERRY was actually a sleeper agent of the FLET or Salyer, who stole the Leg of Time. He has caused much mischief up and down the timelines, centered around a nasty recursive paradox in an alternate worst furture. Disgusting heaps of alternately bearded tERRY's tended to pop up in the Inverted Protagonistial Doomtower. The most trol.
- Doc Coulton - First Appearance
An omniscient being in charge of the Trol Seasson narrative who openly seeks its destruction. Coulton insults the readers, artists, and even The Author equally, convinced that nothing worse can be done to him. (A notable exception is forum user OrangeAipom.) Though his methods are questionable, as are his results, Coulton is playing defensively, slowly moving things towards an endgame known only to him. Suffice it to say, he's got a plan. He has strategically hidden his agents throughout time and space, kidnapped and enlisted the destructive forces of a member of the Trol Seasson fanbase, and opened a portal to the Rat Dimension in Anger Crabman's living room. Not actually a trol.
- The Impossible Wanderer/Steven Moffat - First Appearance
Although not technically a Doc, he was capable of visiting the Unrevealed Void in spite of Coulton's objections. Steven roams unrestrained through the twenty-seven planes of existence that make up the Trol Seasson universe, making adjustments to the story as he sees fit. The worst.
- Doc Song
A peripheral character from Doctor Who that Moffat attempts to insert into Trol Seasson. She is quickly molecularly emancipated by Coulton. The most dead.
- The Salyer
A group of bizarre mobsters who appear to be based on minor celebrities and characters from pop culture. Unlike the felt, whom they seem to be parodying, they have no time-related powers. Most of them have image-quality powers of some description, but usually these are useless. Better than the Felt.
- LORD MACE
A being of immense power who is supposedly in charge of Doc Coulton. According to Fleming in the kyle ice brigade intermission, "No one has really seen his face, if he even is a guy, and no one knows why he insists on rendering his name in such an extravigant manner. He wears a dumb barong mask all the time and he's rumoured to be in charge of coulton or something. You don't know much about him, but he's rumored to be fucking powerful." Surprisingly chill.
- Michelle - First Appearance
A postbox struggling with life after university. Has recently begun a relationship with Happy Guy. The realest.
- The Kyle Ice Brigade
A group of bizarre, hungry hippo themed brigands who broke into Doc Coulton's Inverted Protagonistal Doomtower during the Intermission Intermission. Their leader is the vile Barry Berenson, a total schlub who fucks stuff up with his video game-powere weapons and body odor. Barry is responsible for destroying the Inverted Protagonistial Doomtower, heralding the impending destruction of the universe. The most tactical.
- Toothbrush Wings
Crystalline Dog Anger Management Hickory Dickory Satisfaction Garunteed Red Lorry Grey Blue Feeling Good Beer Kegs